Beauty Mean

24 Feb

ImageMy school years represented more than a decade of Bad Hair Days. I had this horrible fringe, you see, that served to frame a frown and a forehead of blackheads. Bad, sad times. I was far from being one of the school Pretties…

One of many consequences of this was that I came to loathe anything girly. Especially the nonsense event that is the beauty pageant.

 Be that as it may, a lot has changed and I found myself tonight at my very first one – The Crowning of the 2012 Tuks Rag Queen.

 Here’s what I found:

  1. The Girls

 They’re us-girls. You and me. They stumble, struggle to walk in heels and actually seem genuine. Well, all but one. Being a pageant there had to be some overt vanity, and the girl called Cecile almost over-supplied. You’ll be hearing more about her – I feel almost insulted that they ended up picking Miss It for 2nd Princess, but hey.

  1. The Talents

 Other than feeling gross and ugly as a teenager, the second biggest reason I NEVER would have entered a contest like this is the fact that I have no stage-friendly talents. The only dancing I do is of the crowded-club variety, and I often get told to keep quiet when I sing. After tonight, I now know that ANYTHING qualifies as a performing art. I kid you not – there was a girl who pulled cardboard signs from a glow-in-the-dark box. (I could do that!) Then there was someone who essentially clung to a pole and called it a dance. (Seems I’m a great dancer!). And then good old Cecile made her very Vanity an Art – her talent was pretending to pose for photos. (I’m not very photogenic – but since the cameras weren’t real…). You get the point.

  1. The Crowd

So, given the choice of being enthusiastic about

A) The December Streets live in concert, or

B) Our latest same-same Idols winner singing Bruno Mars covers,

this crowd picked singing along to “Bruno” and giving the genuine music no more than a lukewarm clap. As my sister said – it’s to be expected. You don’t expect the Indies/Hipsters/Sulkelina’s to attend anything this glitzy.


  1. The Questions

Just the two worst (best?) ones:

  1. Q – What do you like most about SA?

A – Uhh… I like that it has seasons. (Skatlam, they didn’t ask what you like most about, well, any damn place on the planet…)

2.   Q – What’s your best attribute?

      A – That I’m loving when I go to the Mall. (Oh. Em. Gee.)

  1. The Winners

Shamefully, I can’t remember the name of the winner – all I know is that she wore red and was by far the most well-spoken. Well done, Girl. As for the Princesses, well done to the girl who invited me in the 1st place, Leanda Els. You were lovely.

As for Miss Vanity being the other runner-up – Tuks would have been better off with the pole dancer princess.



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