Like, oh my gawd, we’re in Af-ri-caaaah!

22 Aug


The (heavily photoshopped) cast

I used to pride myself on the fact that I lived in a place where the biggest homegrown trash on TV was 7de Laan.

Sadly for me, South Africa is now home to a show called Clifton Shores

 Judging by the name and the ridiculously beautiful people involved, Clifton Shores is another cousin in the ever-growing family of glammed-up “reality” shows. If Britain has The only way is Essex and the States have everyone from Kimora to the Kardashians, I suppose it was only a matter of time before the Golden Age of Stupid reached us.

For those of you who don’t listen to fluff shows like the Jacaranda drive, here’s the lowdown on Clifton Shores:

Four slutty American models-slash-actresses live it up in a Cape Town mansion trying to bed their playboy-slash-actor boss who happens to be a billionaire.

It’s not Clifton Shores, it’s Clifton’s whores!”

 Okay, that’s not quite what their official marketing material says, but that’s how it seems to me.

The official rap is that they’re four all-American girls here to work at an events company.

 I was going to write this post without actually watching the show – an intelligent sort-of feminist shouldn’t be caught dead watching this crap – but figured that I needed proper research, and thus watched the first episode.

 And man, am I glad. The show is even worse than I thought it would be.

Firstly, the viewer is expected to believe that the girls – laughably called Destiny, Katy, Kathy and, umm, something I can’t recall but am sure ends in “y” to go with the theme – were called up in America and told to come to Africa the very next day. Oh – and that they all just said yes, packed a bag (of couture) and got on the plane.

 If this was really reality, here’s how it would have gone down:

Quinton (the “billionaire”): “Hey, Sexy! I’m a billionaire from Africa. I like your tits. Come to Africa. Live in my mansion. Drink my fine wine. Hurry – you must be here tomorrow.”

 Real girl: “Fuck off and don’t call me again, you perv!”

Come to my mansion, foxy lady!

 But no – we’re expected to believe that they got a call, accepted everything good-willing, and just came here.

 Newsflash –  a show like this takes months to finalise cast and contracts. The viewer is not a fool – in the words of my sister, at least the Kardashians do fake reality realistically.

 Secondly, the girls are either genuinely shallow and stupid, or else edited to appear this way.

 Some paraphrased quotes from the show:

 When asked if it’s not gonna be difficult not to cheat on her boyfriend when living abroad:

 “Oh my gawd – I don’t know how I’m going to survive such a long time without making out with someone! The guys in South Africaaah have accents! That’s just so cute and just my thing.”

When driving through the Cape flats and seeing some goats:

 “Oh my gawd – are those their pets? Do they have to kill and eat them later coz they don’t have food? We should totally do charity while we’re here… I hope I get a big walk-in closet!”

 Another thing that irked me was how the “billionaire boss” – who looks about 30 and seriously did well for himself if he really is a billionaire and now stars in what will soon resemble Girls of the Playboy Mansion – is constantly shown arriving in his Ferrari/helicopter/whatever. Get over yourself.

Then there’s the website. Clearly assuming that people would just look at the pictures – your editor can really photoshop well! – the copy is shocking.

Just a sampler:

 She’s a free spirited Virgo who loves family, food, and most of all; tequila!

 Why is there a semicolon in front of Tequila??

He’s the CEO of both local and international companies such as telecom, mining, property development, boutique hotels, and entertainment.

Um – should the companies’ names not have been mentioned? Oh wait – since he’s probably an actor, that wouldn’t have worked… But still – grammatically, the sentence is pretty unsound which ever way you look at it…

 Much to my dismay, this show is actually exactly like 7de Laan. Undeniably bad, but undeniably addictive.

 Yes, folks – I’ll be tuning in next week Tuesday.

 In case you’re wondering – just so we can bad-mouth it – channel 123, 21:00.


4 Responses to “Like, oh my gawd, we’re in Af-ri-caaaah!”

  1. Nicole August 22, 2012 at 3:46 pm #

    Oh look, you can be the billionaire’s fb friend
    Prime example of how money does not buy class or intelligence

    • caroerasmus August 22, 2012 at 3:48 pm #


      I’m inboxing him a link to this :P.

  2. Laura August 22, 2012 at 4:01 pm #

    Oh, gawd. My only hope for the future of humanity was that stupid “reality shows” featuring shallow, superficial, stupid bimbos and shallow, superficial, stupid leches were confined to the U.S. So, now we’re exporting the worst of our “entertainment” to other countries. I am ashamed and embarrassed for the U.S.

    • caroerasmus August 22, 2012 at 4:03 pm #

      Yup, sadly the US isn’t big or exotic enough anymore 😛

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